| 2019-01-16 02:38:36 |
Accidental Island Incest
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a little spelling error. " fanaticized about him (His) mom" nothing much but getting someone to read it to catch spelling errors would be a great idea. also, this story needs a little more background story. Ether a the beginning or along the way. you also need to put yourself in the story like you are the boy and what would you have done if you were a virgin boy with his mom and also use the sex scene to like say "He thrust deep as he could inside her, holding the thrust for about one second until he pulled out and slammed back into her." (Like he has seen in some Sex Video at home) or something like that it gives the character more life and the more alive the character feel the more draw in people gets. take this from someone that read over 100 Books last year and read a lot of FanFiction also. |