| 2008-10-23 23:16:56 |
Tracy And Dad
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Not bad, but it needs editing. This one should have been shelved for a few days then re-read. The names were hard to follow in some places and the dialogue was pretty choppy. Its not bad, you just need to slow down. I have read most of your stuff, you do better work then this. |
| 2008-11-12 23:37:14 |
Karen And Kelly (The Whole Story)
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It was well written, but the change of person was pretty akward. I also agree the mom/dad part probably did not add to the story. If you are going in first person you need to make a cleaner transistion betwen charectors. The descriptions were very well done, the sex was solid, and the characters were believable. Keep writing! |
| 2010-10-03 01:48:43 |
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Holy paragraph abuse germ, that was tough to read. Take the extra time to edit it BEFORE you post it. Not bad though. You jumped 'in' a bit quick. Keep writing. |
| 2011-01-06 23:15:50 |
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This story was posted years ago by a different author. |
| 2011-06-11 01:21:32 |
Father/Daughter bonding part II
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Holy paragraph abuse batman! That was hard to read, but probably pretty good. Write it in word to get the formatting right then post it in here. I might not have used 'K' names for both girls, a bit hard to follow. Keep up the good work! |