| 2020-11-28 14:40:21 |
Tom's parallel world - 7
|
I enjoy this story! There a few minor things that need worked on it nothing major. Start with grammar and spelling, they are easy fixes. Find different words that mean the same thing and use them contextually. For example, when the characters are in a more relaxed intimate setting use softer; caring words, then when the setting is more straight forward or rough and tense use harsher wording to help convey the intensity of the situation. Perhaps spend a little more time on the main characters back story or fit in small bits of information as the situations call for. Overall I am very interested in how the story plays out. You have opened my eyes to a new genre is erotica and I like it. Please keep writing as I can’t wait to see what happens. |
| 2020-11-28 14:40:21 |
Tom's parallel world - 7
|
I enjoy this story! There a few minor things that need worked on it nothing major. Start with grammar and spelling, they are easy fixes. Find different words that mean the same thing and use them contextually. For example, when the characters are in a more relaxed intimate setting use softer; caring words, then when the setting is more straight forward or rough and tense use harsher wording to help convey the intensity of the situation. Perhaps spend a little more time on the main characters back story or fit in small bits of information as the situations call for. Overall I am very interested in how the story plays out. You have opened my eyes to a new genre is erotica and I like it. Please keep writing as I can’t wait to see what happens. |