| 2014-08-13 19:19:51 |
Their Sex Slave, Her Masters.. Pt. 1
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Except for the obvious problems with grammer, the storry was pretty good. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that your first language was Japanese, not English, right? If that's the case, your problems are in translating your small words - articles, point of view indicators, and tenses - which are all difficul to to even if it's your first language. I'd be happy to edit for you. Just PM me. |
| 2014-07-13 08:59:34 |
On a plane with my band members, I fucked with another passenger in the bathroom after all my friends had already cum
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If you would like someone whose first language is English to give your stories a quick edit, I happily and humbly offer my services. |
| 2014-06-05 23:47:23 |
The secretary-Part 1 The Interview
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Great story. Loved the Point Of View style. The only criticism I have is your tenses; you kept flipping between past and present. For the POV style, I suggest sticking with present tense, unless you are referring to an action that happened during the dialogue. (Ex: "Blah, blah, blah," you pointed to the couch and I walk over and bend over and you step behind me, etc.) |
| 2015-04-03 08:48:01 |
Lonely Mothers Milk
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Nice story, but your sentences need more commas in certain places, and your line of dialogue needs quotes. Other than that, though, it was good. |