When my mother died in my arms I experienced a breakdown. During counselling I was advised to keep a journal, recording all the incidents in my life, and the resulting subsequent thoughts and feelings. The following stories are based on extracts from my journal concerning my experience of sexual relationships in later life
Chapter Five
Valerie came for tea and a chat the following day. She still seemed a little distant so I jumped straight in and asked her what was troubling her. She broke down in tears and explained that he was her life, and although she absolutely needed attention from other people she would die if someone took him from her. Apparently seeing me in his arms when she had come to the bedroom with the bubbly, and later seeing me clinging to him as I took his semen inside me had made her think I would steal him from her. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that in normal circumstances I wouldn’t have looked twice at him and had only gone along with her plan to please her. I said we shouldn’t repeat the experience, but she said she wanted to share herself with the two people she loved the most in all the whole world.
I suppose it was just her needy personality, giggling and laughing one moment and sad the next. I told her I had just been carried away by the moment. I made a solemn promise that I would not go with Paul, let him touch me in any way or even speak to him without her there. We cemented that promise in my bed where she told me she loved me, and quite solemnly and calmly made love to me.
During the next couple of weeks we met up for a threesome four times, during one of those afternoons on their huge bed, he was on top of me with my thighs pinned against my tummy by his weight, she grabbed my wrists and pinned me to the bed until he had finished inside me.
I suddenly realised this was what I wanted, I didn’t have much of an orgasm, I just felt elated. I knew I needed to be helpless and just taken and used.
A couple of days later, during one of our get-teatime and chats, I told her how much being restrained excited me. She obviously passed this on to Paul. From then on, the whole dynamic of our relationship changed.
They took over my life. It was as if I was their possession or perhaps their child. Like a princess, I didn’t have to lift a finger around my house, she did my housework, my laundry, weeded my garden and mowed the lawn. Any odd jobs needed around the house he was there changing light bulbs fixing leaky taps. I felt for the first time in many years that I was part of a family. We went to the shops together; they chose my clothes and shoes. If I was going to be taken with them in the evening, to the theatre, cinema or to a restaurant she would often choose my clothes, dress me, no underclothes, and do my make up as if I were a doll.
I remember one time when, through his office, he received corporate tickets for a gala show of Les Miserables in London. This meant a dinner jacket for him and new dresses for us. We spent hours trawling the West End store for a dress she thought looked good on me. The dress she chose had a stiff bodice that pushed my breasts up, rather like a basque but fastening at the front with the then fashionable military style clips, the also the fashionable ‘handkerchief style’, was tight over my hips, but then became a series of loose strips of fabric of different colours that hung just below my knees, that swirled and opened as I walked showing the full length of my thighs.
It promised to be a wonderful evening. Paul was a consultant to several large charities, advising them how to secure bequests from regular donors to the charities and how to handle executors and those administering the bequests. All the leaders of all the big charities were expected at the show.
We went to a fish restaurant off Piccadilly and I had lobster for the first time, and then took a cab to the theatre. The foyer was full of people. the men in evening dress and the women in posh frocks. They all seemed to know Paul. This was his world and he was a different man, it was Val that seemed a little subdued. We were shown to a box at the side of the stage, Mother would have been outraged, such extravagance, and theatre going was a sinful vanity.
It was arranged that drinks were to be brought to our box in the interval, but they didn’t arrive so we made our way to the bar which was absolutely packed. Paul and Val got involved in a discussion with a group he was working with. Several men came and chatted, running their eyes over me. I was revelling in the attention. Eventually I was cornered by a man who turned out to be the CEO of a huge international charity.
He oozed power and confidence, he had a very soft and level way of speaking. I was absolutely entranced as he told me of the various projects he was dealing with in Africa and India. He whispered to one of the men who was obviously part of his group who cut through the crowd clamouring at the bar like a knife through butter, and came back with two glasses of champagne and then discreetly withdrew.
While we were talking I noticed that he was occasionally glancing down so following his glance I saw that the way I was standing caused my skirt to fall away showing my thigh almost to my waist. When I looked up, he was looking into my eyes and I smiled. He very gently ran his figures up the inside of my thigh while still explaining about drilling for water in Uganda and only paused briefly when he discovered I was not wearing panties. I moved my thigh slightly so he could confirm his discovery and for two or three seconds he was gently stroking my clitoris. I think I sighed and closed my eyes, he gave a soft laugh and took his hand away. He wrote his private number onto a business card and asked me to call anytime. Looking down as he wrote I could see a pronounced bulge in his trousers. I slipped the card into my bodice, and just then the bell went for the second half, we kissed cheeks and everyone trooped back into the auditorium. I could see him in a box opposite us with a woman. I hadn’t noticed her in the bar, perhaps his wife or mistress, whoever she was, I knew she would have a busy and interesting night when he got her home.
I think Paul must have witnessed some of my little encounters as he became very attentive to me during the second half of the show, holding my hand tightly and then undoing the clips on the front of my bodice and gently stroking my breast, as if re-establishing his ownership of me. After the show they walked me towards Covent Garden, an area full of bars and clubs. I say walked, but paraded would be a better word. My bodice was still open, and being of a very stiff material stood away from my chest and of course as I walked my skirt opened and closed giving glimpses of my nakedness. They led me hand in hand three abreast, with me in the middle through the crowds of theatre goers and clubbers. It seemed that all of London had decided to “go up west” that night.
As soon as we had left the theatre and Paul’s crowd of associates, Val began to come out of her shell, and was soon her old laughing bouncy bossy self, calling out and joking with passers-by, and a couple of times stopping to give me a hug in the middle of the street. Paul led us to a ‘secret’ bar he knew on the Shaftesbury Avenue side of Covent Garden, in a basement beneath a shop. I remember going down an iron staircase that led to the entrance.
The bar was quite small and intimate. I noticed one couple sitting at the bar, the woman was holding a program so they had obviously come from one the nearby theatres. All the other customers were well dressed men, in suits, ties and shiny shoes probably from the stock market and banking offices in the City of London.
There were a few chairs and tables but they were fully occupied, so Paul got us some cocktails and we stood chatting. I was so excited. Theatre going is frowned on by Jehovah’s Witnesses, and this had been my first time I couldn’t stop talking about it. That, the champagne and cocktails and the little adventure in the theatre bar and I was really sexually charged.
The couple with the theatre program left and Val and I slipped onto the bar stools they had vacated. Of course, as I wiggled onto my stool, my skirt fell fully open exposing me to the whole bar. Val leaned across and arranged a couple of the loose panels of my skirt so they fell between my thighs, preserving at least a bit of my modesty. Paul had again gone off to talk to someone he knew, networking he called it, and a couple of the men started speaking to me and Val, and bought us more cocktails.
I realised that one of them was standing very close to me and could see my breasts through the still open bodice. I found that if I turned and looked up at him as I spoke to him I could make the bodice move completely away from my breasts so he had a perfect view. I was willing him to reach down and tease my nipples. Val could see what I was doing, and I think she became embarrassed on my behalf and draped her pashmina round my shoulders. I was actually living in a daydream where the bar was part of their group sex circle and Val and myself were about to be stripped and spread out on the bar top and used by every man there. If that had happened I wouldn’t have resisted.
Of course, what actually happened was that after another cocktail we left the bar and found a cab home.
The rest of the evening, actually morning for it was at least 2am when we got home, was a bit of a let down after the earlier excitement. We ended up in their bed but I suppose we were all a little exhausted by then. She gave me a mini-orgasms with her mouth and he reserved all of his semen for her, so I was a little disappointed.
I never did find the business card the CEO had given me, it had probably fallen out of my bodice during our walk through the streets after the theatre. I often wondered if I would have phoned the number on the card if I hadn't lost it, That would of course mean I was being unfaithful to Val and Paul as I didn’t think that Mr CEO would be interested in all three of us. I do not think I would have taken him up on his offer, but just thinking about it was exciting. I sometimes mentally included him in our games.