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Comments from WriterNox
| Date | Story title | Comment |
|---|---|---|
| 2020-02-21 00:28:37 | Only Girl in School Ch 1: a Frankel story | This is a fantastic story. I get that it is a story and not real and that is why something so horrible can be enjoyable. Still, it lacks detail and, like on comment said, a structure around the story that is more than sex. This could be a masterpiece if it is done right. It accelerates too quickly. Her destruction should be the focus of the entire series. You could play it out, incorporate more moments of actual school in the beginning and slowly work in the sexual abuse and womanizing. |
| 2020-02-21 00:39:52 | Only Girl in School Ch 1: a Frankel story | This is a fantastic story. I get that it is a story and not real and that is why something so horrible can be enjoyable. Still, it lacks detail and, like on comment said, a structure around the story that is more than sex. This could be a masterpiece if it is done right. It accelerates too quickly. Her destruction should be the focus of the entire series. You could play it out, incorporate more moments of actual school in the beginning and slowly work in the sexual abuse and womanizing. |
| 2020-03-09 03:03:33 | Fast Times in Chacahua | LOVE IT!! You had me captivated from the very first moment. You could probably make a great chapter about her going back to his place, but it could be too predictable. Maybe they could tempt fate around her husband at her place? He does seem pretty oblivious. Also, please don't use "flap" or "pussy flap" as a sexual de***********or, it's off-putting to the story, as it's weird, and it is not in sync with your tone whatsoever. |
| 2020-10-24 03:55:02 | Family trip to Jamaica Part 2 | I love this series. But have you ever shaved balls? Lily would have to hold her brother's balls and stretch the skin taught to shave them without mutilating his ball sack. This is a total detail area! I would have liked more realism there. |
| 2020-10-24 18:17:03 | Family Trip to Jamaica- Part 5 | I liked getting this from Lily's POV, but she needs her own voice. Make this unique by letting her personality come through her words. What adjectives would she use, what verbs? What motivates her to want her father and brother so much? Plus, some of the de***********ions were a real let-down, like her father entering her for the first time. This should be special and deserves more than the rude and crude verb of STABBED! Please revise! |