| 2011-04-11 18:02:53 |
A Family Thing part 2
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A nice twist at the end. It's obvious that Liv had fantasized for a long time about her father and never saw him as her father. She wanted him as the perfect man. Her not calling her Daddy doesn't take away a bit from the story. It is his shock and his reaction that makes this a unique incest story. I like that as a change of pace from all the other tired story lines available at this site. |
| 2011-07-14 00:20:25 |
A Summer 'Job'
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Great story, well written. You handled the subject realistically and told it from a teen's point of view. I worry sometimes that my writing is too detailed, its one reason I haven't posted here yet. The readers here seem to want stories to be hot, but our culture's ADD causes them to skim over the top of the story. So, your story received good ratings because it was convenient (in a way). You used a lot of action verbs and established the choreography of body placement and movement very well. I call the movement of dick into pussy what it's most commonly known as: fucking. As in "he fucked in and out of her pussy". It's raw and incendiary. One of the commenters referred to integrating activities outside of sex in the story. These additions add color and atmosphere. I like the way you used the sounds and smells of fucking. You give "good porn". Keep it up. |
| 2011-07-14 00:24:18 |
A Summer 'Job'
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Oh, one last thing. Keep your paragraphs short. When you proof it after writing you'll see the change in subject. This gives the reader the opportunity to visualize the paragraph's content before moving on. |
| 2011-10-29 21:39:33 |
SEX PARTY_(1)
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Terrific writing. You succeeded in putting the reader in the room with the characters. Very well coordinated physical movement and description. Believable, good characters with realistic inner lives, story is absolutely plausible. Nice organization and context resulted in good story line movement and tempo. Keep it up. You're a natural pornographer. :) |