| 2012-02-06 01:50:19 |
My Week With Tommy. PT.!
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I liked your story. You worked to develop your characters. You do need to decide whether Tommy is totally ignorant about sex or if he knows what he is doing when he touches you. Make it all believable as well as hot. You did good. |
| 2012-02-06 01:54:02 |
My first encounter with Monty
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Good story. You made it believable. It would have been a bit easier to read if you had used more paragraphs, but do NOT quit writing!!!!! |
| 2012-02-06 02:03:45 |
My BFFs Daddy
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A really good beginning of a multiple part story. Sounds like you might have to have a long talk with your BFF, which should be very hot and sexy. Good story. This isn't English class, but it IS publishing ... spelling counts. I thought you rushed into anal a bit quick instead of first describing your vaginal sex better. I'll look for Part 2. |
| 2012-02-06 02:18:21 |
Les Cell Phone Sex With Hot Teen
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This is one of your best stories yet! It's not easy to write a story which is all conversation, but you did it well. I think you could have used beginning and ending quotation marks around what each of them said with the spacing just as you have it to make it read a bit easier. The way you wrote it, it almost reads like an instant message insted of a phone conversation. Still, it was HOT and quite good. Are you thinking about Part 2 and 3? |
| 2012-02-10 00:41:02 |
Babysitting Sex
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You went from two 14 yr old virgins who had no idea what to do next to fucking like rabbits in two sentences. Something happened in between, but you got in way too much of a hurry to say. You have a really sweet story to tell, but you left out so much of the "how I feel" stuff along the way. I agree with the other comments about editing .... especially about making paragraphs and spelling what you mean ("I live when he fucks me every day" probably should be "love" and "I throw my bra and thing on" might be "thong"). |