| 2010-09-19 00:52:44 |
Digital Chains, Chapter 2: Grownups Get the Best Toys
|
Hot, I especially enjoyed the pleasure/pain response. Mmm and that even after that intense orgasm she doesn't get a break but tell her to pick 3 more, which mean I assume he was going to go over all the toys in the box with her like he did the first 3. |
| 2010-09-23 03:20:20 |
Garbage Dump Gang Rape Part 3
|
It has potential, you need to fix your spelling as there are a lot of incorrectly spelt. Also if someone is wearing a skirt there is no need for holes to be cut into it to accommodate cocks, just lift it up. Because unless the skirt is skin tight leather it is going to move. Alot of it is implausible, as a broken wooden handle would kill...infact the bacteria in a garbage dump would cause a lot of infections in open wounds. So you might want to think about re-writing the story to fix the problems with it and to make it more plausible. |
| 2010-09-25 03:01:20 |
Slave Pt.2 The buying and training.
|
Your writing is good. Though the story is far too short. I still maintain that you need to break it into paragraphs to make it an easier read. Solid text like that isn't good or easy to read. |
| 2010-12-04 00:12:24 |
Other Men's Wives - His Sluts - Chapter 4
|
It wasn't a bad story, however I was distracted by the fact that the name of your main character kept changing from Harry to Roy. |
| 2010-12-04 00:12:51 |
Other Men's Wives - His Sluts - Chapter 4
|
It wasn't a bad story, however I was distracted by the fact that the name of your main character kept changing from Harry to Roy. |