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Comments from teqmc2
| Date | Story title | Comment |
|---|---|---|
| 2020-10-14 21:49:50 | Mass Effect: Never Send An Engineer To Do A Soldier's Job | Great story, but one suggestion: please use consistent tense. If you are going to write a ***********, then write a ***********. If you are going to write narrative, then please stick to the past tense. Jumping from one to the other can be distracting. |
| 2020-10-14 21:56:55 | Maria's Favor to a Geek - Chapter 1 | Welcome to the site! Thank you for writing/posting this. Everyone has to start somewhere. That said, I've got some advice on how to do better. It seems that you can't decide between writing a *********** or a narrative. Either is fine, but pick one. I'm actually working on a story in the form of a ***********, so it would be hypocritical for me to tell you not to do that. But, if you want to write narrative, then stick to the past tense, and don't mention camera angles. Also, when reporting on a character's thoughts: As you are the author and narrator, you can say absolute facts about your own universe. 'Maria's boobs strained her shirt' 'Michael's cock got hard'. But when you are reporting a character's thoughts or opinions, remember that a character can be wrong. You need to specify that a character 'thinks' or 'believes' or 'feels' (as in opinion) a certain thought, not that that thought is the absolute truth. Good luck and keep writing! |
| 2020-10-14 21:58:11 | Maria's Favor to a Geek - Chapter 1 | For some reason, the system censored out the word "s cri pt" in my previous post. No idea why. |
| 2020-10-14 22:03:24 | The Motorcycle Diaries: Daddy's Harley | This is SO HOT, looking forward to more of it! I'm a motorcycle guy myself, so it is especially enjoyable to me, although I don't ride a Harley (or even a gas bike anymore, I have an electric, by Zero Motors). It will by very enjoyable to watch the characters explore their sexuality together, but it would also be fun to watch them meet different sub-cultures within the motorcycle world. |
| 2021-01-10 14:57:02 | The Breeder Wars chapter 1 | Per your introduction: Yes, I would like more of this! Your prologue seemed... derivative. I almost didn't continue reading. But I did, and wow, this is a very beautiful story. This, like your story about Prom, has a dignity and elegance which is very rare on this site. I did not notice any grammar errors, and I almost always do, even when totally immersed in reading, so good on you! But, if you would like an editor for future installments, I'd be happy to help! Have you read any of the "Emberverse" books by S.M. Stirling? The first one is "Dies The Fire". Similar setting, you might enjoy. |