| 2011-12-02 17:40:17 |
A Gift for Ava (The Calling) CAW9
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I liked your story, but it felt like a moment in time, with no true beginning or ending. We are left without a clear understanding of Ava's gift, why she has it, where it came from, and finally, what the resolution will be. As a snapshot of a simple moment it works well, but there are details missing that threw me. Why are the parents fighting? Why doesn't her gift work around her brother? What potential consequences will she face from using it? Is it only sexual daydreams she can turn into reality? I wanted more Hopefully, you use this as a springboard to filling in the gaps and answering these questions. |
| 2011-12-02 17:46:55 |
The Gift of Life (CAW #9)
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Definitely a different kind of gift story. I was thrown at how casually the woman cheated on her husband and family however, and no physical presence of her family was not explained in any way in the story. Ultimately, there were some things about it that didn't quite ring true, felt somewhat forced, that I didn't vote for you, but I loved the style of your writing and look forward to more of your work. |
| 2011-12-02 17:51:37 |
CAW #9 - A Hanukkah Gift
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Good themes and intersting character introductions, but overall the story felt rushed. It zipped through the initial reason for the two main characters to meet. And then it just flitted back and forth, not delving too deeply into anything anywhere. I felt that with some more time and backstory this could truly turn into a masterpiece. I hope you come back to it and bring it to life. |
| 2011-12-02 18:02:23 |
Gift Unwrapping
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Great story. I enjoyed the contrast of the two couples a lot and yet, it was the little things that detracted from my overall enjoyment. We are left with no resolution for the older couple. I know I would like to know what happened, partially as a contrast to what is likely to happen with the main characters. There were a few areas where there could have been a touch more description, at least for my taste. Overall it was a superb story! Well done! |
| 2011-12-02 18:06:35 |
Ramadan
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This was a good story, interesting, and a differently style than I normally read. I liked the interplay during the sex scenes, and the dialog felt good, but a bit forced here and there. Nothing very quantifiable. I would have liked some more descriptions though.. something to make Baghdad come alive in my mind, where I could see the two of them running through the streets until they reached the Caliph's palace. A description of the harem chamber, overwhelming our poor protagonist from Sicily. Just a bit more detail would have really helped the story along for me. |