| 2009-08-02 02:40:20 |
The Neighbour's Daughter
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It's just a story so quit with the warnings. A good story at that. Add spacing between paragraphs for better formatting. |
| 2009-09-24 03:34:55 |
Oh Daddy
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Incredible. No one can honestly find fault with this story. Well done. |
| 2009-09-26 00:18:58 |
Kara's Story
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The story was titillating. Here's what you need to do. First, reread your story, slowly. Fix anything that doesn't feel right, such as the overuse of the same words too close together, like "quickly" in the beginning of the story. Then when you think you have it, paste it into Word and spell check it. You have a number of spelling errors that would have easily been caught. When you drop it into XNXX it also has a built in spell-checker that you should use. Good luck. w1drng |
| 2009-11-20 09:31:37 |
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Great storyline. I can't wait to read about Saturday night. I agree with another reader about dropping the brother out of the picture. Make it all about her and the guy. Have her encourage her mom to have stay-overs at her boyfriend's house so she can be alone with her "honey." Now the criticism, reread your work. Try to clean up as much of the misspellings and incorrect sentence structure as possible. It makes for a cleaner story and fewer distractions. Otherwise great storyline. Remember, she's only 8. She's going to bleed. |
| 2009-11-20 09:36:20 |
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Love the story. Fix your paragraphs (add a spacer line between). Indents never stay so forget about that. Watch the spelling and sentence structure. Otherwise keep writing. Don't end the story too soon. Actually I've found it best not to end the story at all. If you want to quit writing it, just stop. Or perhaps you'll have a better time at ending stories than I've had. Good luck. |