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Comments from onehandedtypist
| Date | Story title | Comment |
|---|---|---|
| 2011-06-07 21:08:35 | I Had To Please Daddy Somehow | It's too abrupt. Thoughts to oneself are usually italicized. Alex transitions from taking a nap to getting right up. Did she rub the sleepiness from her eyes? Was her slumber interrupted with the events happening in the next room where her father was? Alex's masturbation should have been elaborated on. Sights, smells, tastes, textures, thoughts, was she fantasizing while she touched herself? Were the images on the screen encouraging her to diddle herself rudely? What did her father's cock taste like? Was there precome dripping out? Did he grab behind her head and choke her on his veiny monster or did she voluntarily block her airhole with his prick? These are points you could work on. Even just writing an elaborate masturbation scene would have received a positive rating from me. |
| 2011-06-07 21:08:58 | I Had To Please Daddy Somehow | It's too abrupt. Thoughts to oneself are usually italicized. Alex transitions from taking a nap to getting right up. Did she rub the sleepiness from her eyes? Was her slumber interrupted with the events happening in the next room where her father was? Alex's masturbation should have been elaborated on. Sights, smells, tastes, textures, thoughts, was she fantasizing while she touched herself? Were the images on the screen encouraging her to diddle herself rudely? What did her father's cock taste like? Was there precome dripping out? Did he grab behind her head and choke her on his veiny monster or did she voluntarily block her airhole with his prick? These are points you could work on. Even just writing an elaborate masturbation scene would have received a positive rating from me. |
| 2011-06-07 21:38:21 | In Your Honor_(1) | Anonymous reader 2011-06-04 21:56:14 deep, and u other two people, U SUCK Thank you, anon. |
| 2011-07-05 19:33:46 | Well paced and I enjoyed reading it. Thanks for writing it PP | |
| 2011-08-22 00:04:56 | Crossroads of my life - Part 1 | The in-browser spell checkers work better. I think Opera and Firefox have them, or a plugin/extension for them. Good first effort. |