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Comments from Harley Whore
| Date | Story title | Comment |
|---|---|---|
| 2010-09-29 13:01:01 | Owned by the Club-Part 3 | Please continue! I've really enjoyed this series, with some reservations. You have a great sense of detail for the subject matter and narrative flow. This is listed as a True Story and I believe it. I ride with a club too, and 95% of what you describe is stuff this biker cunt has experienced first hand as well. Please learn how to format dialog correctly. It will do wonders for readability and flow. Also, try to sharpen up characterization and personal details. Instead of referring to "piss girl" or "pregnant chick", try giving them names (even if they are merely assumed, such as Piss Girl or Pregnant Chick) and using more descriptive detail. Finally, there seems to be an inconsistent impulse to your story-telling. For the most part, you seem all about pure raunch and hedonism (which is what I love about this series), but you take some unexpected detours into m/m and romantic stuff. These off notes don't add to the general tone. A rewrite would surely improve a promi |
| 2010-09-15 12:50:56 | Vacation at the Beach 2 | WOW!! Hawt as fuck!! Please continue with this series! While I do agree with poster below about breaking up your paragraphs a little more often to improve readability, I also think he's dead wrong about abandoning "believability" and letting your muse take you where you want to go. If anything, I would have loved to have had the whole thing jacked up to even wilder levels. How awesome would it have been to read about Jimmy pissing on Judy and Sarah while on stage? Remember, Pablo Picasso once said that "The chief enemy of creativity is good taste." Don't hold back, ldtexas - be as nasty and pervy as you can! |
| 2011-05-05 23:00:27 | I'M WITH THE BAND | Just the way I like 'em - nice and filthy! Good job on appealing to tactile and olfactory senses. More descriptive passages (the deterioration of her clothes, jiggle of her braless tits) and using dialog to advance the narrative would make this an even better read. I'll have to check out your other stories now! |
| 2011-05-05 23:07:00 | I'M WITH THE BAND | Just the way I like 'em - nice and filthy! Good job on appealing to tactile and olfactory senses. More descriptive passages (the deterioration of her clothes, jiggle of her braless tits) and using dialog to advance the narrative would make this an even better read. I'll have to check out your other stories now! |
| 2011-05-27 00:25:01 | The Festival | Another winner! Keep 'em coming, and don't be afraid to get completely filthy! |