| 2011-08-20 01:01:33 |
Loretta....Part 1
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wat? only one (two) comment(s) for such a great story full of potential? |
| 2011-08-20 02:21:46 |
How I lost my virginity to my best friend
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ok some suggestions: leave out the little brother. make them talk more like REAL twelve yr olds. more descriptions. bring in another girl but not like one of their sisters or something. fix the grammar and stuff. get the girl pregnant and have them get them married when theyre a little older. make it a romance kinda thing. keep writing and youll get real good this story has good potential. 7/10 |
| 2011-08-20 02:51:41 |
The Gymnest My Sister & Mom
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good story but i agree with everyone: needs some work |
| 2011-08-21 20:11:18 |
The Girl Next Door_(2)
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great story over all but you could slow down and have more of a buildup and also try to split the one big block into paragraphs. but for the first time pretty good. keep at it. |
| 2011-08-22 05:55:17 |
My Asian Treat
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i thought it was done very well. |