| 2011-10-02 04:11:05 |
Hole in the Wall, Chapter 2
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Good story. Wished it was a little longer but great nontheless. Looking forward to the next chapter. |
| 2011-10-03 01:48:33 |
Hole in the Wall, Chapter 3
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Great chapter; keep them coming. |
| 2011-10-11 13:56:43 |
Moms Kids 3
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By far one of the best stories ever. |
| 2017-04-22 06:06:44 |
Mommas boy
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Where is the rest of the story? |
| 2017-03-05 07:01:30 |
Danny has fun with Mom and Older Sister
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I like the basis for this story, but there is no structure, no substance. Where is the character development? Some friendly advice, most true readers want to feel like they are in the story witnessing everything through the characters eyes, and the only way they can do that is with proper story development. You seem to fly all over the place here...a good story will flow naturally, you shouldn't force your readers attention to a different subject that isn't on topic at the time in the story. Hopefully you'll see this as constructive criticism. |