| 2012-08-19 03:35:14 |
Such good friends; Chapter 1--Beth
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Good story. The story itself is solid, work on the structure separate the dialogue into there own paragraph but to who ever said they could not follow the story... Well brains aren't everything nice job can't wait to read the other work. |
| 2012-08-20 02:34:49 |
...And every girl in the family.
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Humm I have to say good story you have potential but there are parts that simply cannot be over looked yes you are focusing on the main character but to make the story better focus on the girl you say she felt good but only went that far what pain did she feel when her hymen was br |
| 2012-08-20 02:37:58 |
...And every girl in the family.
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sorry typing this on my phone.*broken? how did it feel to have her pussy split open so much? had she ever mastubated? These are a few things that make the story better and more believable trust me go into details on the female and it will be a lot hotter. |
| 2012-08-20 02:38:21 |
...And every girl in the family.
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Humm I have to say good story you have potential but there are parts that simply cannot be over looked yes you are focusing on the main character but to make the story better focus on the girl you say she felt good but only went that far what pain did she feel when her hymen was br |
| 2012-08-23 21:38:08 |
Doctor Who - A minor annoyance!
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Okay was I the only one dying of laughter after the horse head nebula thing. That was so out of the blue so random that only the doctor would even say something like that!! Hahaha nice I hope to see more. |