| 2012-05-19 17:25:01 |
Jenna's Turn To Cry
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Another good one. Cheers. |
| 2012-05-20 15:41:12 |
Melanie's last day
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Could be improved. Btw she had no bra so where did it come from a paragraph later? |
| 2012-05-30 16:26:04 |
Girlfriends Younger Sister_(1)
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Improve your writing style. It's more like your having a chat with a beer at a bar. And don't put so many ......... in between. Otherwise a good one for a first story. |
| 2012-06-04 01:29:40 |
New Hire. Sarah and Kristi gets it all. Please comment
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The story title was a little weird. Try not to shift focus too fast. Takes the fin out |
| 2012-06-28 17:02:51 |
The Nerconomicom, Demons Summoned
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Storys good overall though a little plot improvement won't hurt. And try a simpler name, one thar rolls of the tongue . |