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Comments from Angry Ed
| Date | Story title | Comment |
|---|---|---|
| 2013-01-31 17:40:29 | When My Dreams Came True. Chapter 4 and 5, | Oh My God... You may have great ideas to and stories but, holy crap is your grammar and word usage off. I like to drink while i read because i have a (IMHO) great memory. This allows me to be able to re-read books and stories sooner. One, to save money and two, because i liked them so much. But, when i read this its like having a friend who is drunker than i am (hard to believe) emailing me a story. Maybe you should ask yourself if you should actually pay your editors... It would save you some embarrassment. Angry Ed P.S. I did this in the comments because I thought that a PM wouldn't kick you in the rear enough. P.P.S I will keep reading this saga however. |
| 2013-01-31 18:10:50 | When My Dreams Came True. Chapter 4 and 5, | Oh My God... You may have great ideas to and stories but, holy crap is your grammar and word usage off. I like to drink while i read because i have a (IMHO) great memory. This allows me to be able to re-read books and stories sooner. One, to save money and two, because i liked them so much. But, when i read this its like having a friend who is drunker than i am (hard to believe) emailing me a story. Maybe you should ask yourself if you should actually pay your editors... It would save you some embarrassment. Angry Ed P.S. I did this in the comments because I thought that a PM wouldn't kick you in the rear enough. P.P.S I will keep reading this saga however. |
| 2013-01-31 18:19:06 | When My Dreams Came True. Chapter 4 and 5, | One, I have to apologize. The previous comment was for chapter three. Apparently, it still applies and I'm less THAN (you mix this word up with another a lot) a fifth of the way through so I'm not that sorry. Two, a person shakes THEIR (another one) head no and (fucking) nods their head yes. Read a freaking book. A nod for yes a shake for no. Easy. Still Angry Ed P.S. More to cum [ ;-) ] still reading. |
| 2013-02-01 17:20:18 | Great! I do so enjoy your stories. Only minor mistakes so few and far between that I hardly noticed. My only suggestions if you do plan to clean this up and publish (I think amazon does have an erotica section) would be to clear up some of the confusing language. I'm not talking about your unique names or anything like that but, there were a few sentences that may have been worded awkwardly. Biggest issue as an example: "Cleaning up the room was problematical when I started to pull in my will Likka actually slapped me lightly." Though, mostly correct it sounds weird when spoken aloud. Breaking this into two sentences might help; 'Cleaning up the room was[or became] problematic. When I started to pull in my will Likka actually slapped me, though lightly.' Later, I'll point out areas that may benefit from elaboration (Not Robert Jordan or G. R. R. Martin elaboration). I don't even know if you want that. I can't wait for your next chapter. |
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| 2013-02-04 16:59:49 | Its hard to imagine that Likka would know of such a mundane animal like a rhino. I mean I know they have dogs and cats and horses so it stands to reason that rhinos could be there too. I don't know. I guess i wasn't in the right mindset to expect it. It has been a while since i read the last one. ok enough griping. onto suggestions: A tower of black basalt, eh. Had to look up pictures of basalt just to imagine it. This my friend, was an excellent chance to let us (your fervent readers) see what you see. Expound upon that ominous tower you see before you. It would seem out of place at first but, when you realize all the other parts that could use a little bolstering the story will flow like a river. I won't tell you those parts. That's too much like telling you what to write in the first place and NOBODY wants me to write your story. It would suck. Gotta continue in another comment box. I hate to take up so much space here but, i like to see you take one of my suggest |