| 2012-11-27 06:16:40 |
My Girlfriend's Rival Ch. 3
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D3 was great. Loved it the first playthrough, got old on the second. Wired how I used to grind D1 for ages, but got so tired of it now even though it's so much better and more dynamic now. Then Mists of Pandaria came out, so I've been spending a lot of time playing that... But still work is taking most my time. Will continue, so stay tuned. |
| 2012-11-30 07:35:36 |
After school with Stephanie
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Nice attempt. Add an extra blank line between paragraphs and only use bais Ariel on word so you don't get those AE errors. Add more dialog. Use The story gets pretty sexy with cock sucking pretty soon, but they never have sex? Kind of a let down. Since it's an early story of yours I'll give it positive. |
| 2012-11-30 07:47:00 |
McKenzie Shares
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Great story, and very descriptive. Please consider making the dialog in quotes more often though, and it's own paragraph when switching between characters. I makes it much easier to read. |
| 2012-12-02 09:30:21 |
Milk of Desire, Book II, Chapter 5 : Jake's confirmation.
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Wow, this is getting a lot more Negative votes than my other stories... what's up with that? Please, more comments on why! |
| 2012-12-14 20:41:17 |
Milk of Desire, Book II, Chapter 5 : Jake's confirmation.
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Yea, I suppose. There is a plot and a future for this story, and as Russ said earlier he found it weird fucking his sister, and had his hands full anyway, so saw giving his sis to Jake killed 2 birds. Mom is not oblivious, as the next chapter will show. I already had it half written, and just fixing it up. I just didn't expect the dramatic down votes compared to the others. Oh well. Maybe they will like the rest, maybe they won't. I'll still keep writing as long as I have ideas. |