sexstories.com
Comments from Efon
| Date | Story title | Comment |
|---|---|---|
| 2012-03-22 16:34:03 | Wait Until We Are Married (Chapter 6) | If you give me a negative rating, could you at least be kind enough to comment why? |
| 2012-03-23 11:33:01 | Wait Until We Are Married (Chapter 4) | Guilty of using BabelFish. Sorry. I just wanted it to seem sexy, and since MOST people who speak English don't know German (me included) I figured it'd be good enough to set the mood. If you want to send me corrected sentences I'll re-release it with your corrections. |
| 2012-04-07 09:23:51 | Babysitting leads me to a new friend | I like where this story went, and how it got there for the most part, but the badly written near-dialog was really hard to read. Replace: She stood up and said show yourself. She said are you naked. With: She stood, showing off her beautiful naked body. 'Who is there?', she said nervously, 'Show yourself!' |
| 2012-04-10 10:35:11 | Daddy's secret Girlfriend | Needs: Longer, Shorter paragraphs, Better dialog. But otherwise it's a good start for a first attempt. But REALLY make us feel like the characters mean something to us. Is Daddy conflicted about doing this or is he a dirty old man? Is the the girl just really naive, or stupid, or is she trying to seduce her dad? |
| 2012-04-23 12:09:45 | I pull a college girl part. 1 | Nice idea that could be great, but sloppy and rushed execution. |