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Comments from darthel0101
| Date | Story title | Comment |
|---|---|---|
| 2012-09-08 13:24:49 | Sleepover short pt. I | let's try to do this without the special characters, then -- You need to proofread better and trust spell check less - there are too many homonyms and similar-spelled words which are misused: suit-vs.-suite, stares-vs,-stairs, class-vs.-glass, covert-vs.-cupboard, breath-vs.-breathe, mine-vs.-mines, in to-vs.-into;. I couldn't get past the bad grammar to complete the story - examples (I seen), (he was ... he knows), (between my breast), (I wrapped ... I can), (I challenge him, his eyes got darker), (walls ... was). Keep the tenses coordinating in a sentence (plural-vs,-singular, past-vs.-present) and it would be better to keep the past-vs.-present consistent throughout the story. Watch your punctuation. If there is a pause in a sentence then it likely needs a comma. If there are two sentences butting against each other then they likely need a semicolon (or a period). |
| 2014-07-18 19:01:10 | Changes - Part 2 | This chapter suffers "middle-chapter syndrome". This occurs in a good story when the writer wants to get somewhere and knows how he wants to get there but there is just not enough story to support an individual chapter. I would have recommended incorporating this into the next chapter and simply posting a longer one to avoid the unsatisfying end. - - - I will commend the author on having chapter 3 already posted so that the story will continue with minimal interruption. |
| 2012-09-10 04:02:51 | Solomon's Daughters Cassie's and Cindy's Chapter | Thank you for resolving the issue of Cassie. I wonder what will happen when there is a part-genie born to either Cassie or Cindy |
| 2012-09-10 07:07:49 | The Boy Who Lived Down The Street(Part Ten) | A good ending to a good story. Thank you for sharing. |
| 2012-09-15 11:22:34 | Modern Mage - Chapter 16 | It appears to be a way-stop on the road to somewhere else but well crafted for the passage. It literally feels like the ending of the chapter just before. |