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Comments from Charmbrights
| Date | Story title | Comment |
|---|---|---|
| 2019-02-22 13:16:50 | Mom banged by gardener | Your ideas may be good but please try punctuation and a spell checker, One oddity is that she starts as 36 years old but then has 13 more children???? |
| 2019-03-01 11:38:56 | Jessie Jessie gets taken advantage of by the Ross kids. | Punctuation would help. |
| 2019-03-05 16:25:36 | From college student to slave - Part 2: The punishment | I hope this is construtive. I like the story so far. My main suggestion is to make the character's thoughts clearly distinguished from their comments, which I tend to do by using italics. Reading your own story aloud will help you to spot the typos like the one in this sentence "Once he had made himself his own breakfast he put in on his side of the table and went to wake her up." My 18 novels are still for sale but also on a free site elsewhere. |
| 2019-03-06 15:40:54 | Tara: Trophy Wife Life: Part 1_(1) | Mixing past and present tense is not a good idea, especially in the same paragraph. "They go into the living room and Cole plugs the usb stick into their big flatscreen tv. A button pushed on the remote and suddenly Tara was watching herself prancing around in her backyard yesterday. The video was surprisingly good quality and showed off alot of detail of her body." |
| 2019-06-08 10:43:23 | The War of 2020 | A good start. I have a few criticisms such as mixed tenses, but I would prefer to pass them direct to you. Please contact me on y a h o o.co.uk. |