| 2017-09-26 03:27:15 |
Potential Part 20
|
Candy seems to be embracing her inner teen. No longer the mother, but the normal aged girl friend for Evan that she should naturally be. They could run away together in a sweet romantic finish. ... Good story? Sure. Another romance.. snore.. The girls are lesbians.. fear of getting caught at first.. hot.. then that fades.. and it seems like it's all about the taboo of being a lesbian.. which.. is not all that taboo.. i mean, the first time, sure.. very hot... after that, it's not that unusual.. pretty common in today's society.. parents that might have a problem with it.. lame.. .. Evan's Dad is a dick.. a big monster stalking the halls at night.. these types of characters are great as this seemingly invincible antagonist the hero can't possible defeat at the moment.. but after the long adventure, the tables are totally turned, and our hero easily defeats the villain.. because when Goliath wins... everyone just sighs and moves on.. Evan is still apparently no David this far in... |
| 2017-09-26 03:43:51 |
Potential Part 20
|
Can the hero lose and villain win? Absolutely.. if the villain is an anti hero, hard not to love the anti hero.. if the villain is just a powerful jerk that wins all the time.. suddenly it's less of a story, and more of a documentary of the shittiness of real life.. Now I'm going off on a rant it seems.. none of it meant to really be negative or discouraging.. I think my main point is that the stories have been missing the "it" factor that you've nabbed so many times in the past.. I'm enjoying reading about the characters.. and the story is interesting.. and as you said, it's setting up for something.. but I'm pretty spoiled.. some stories set up for something and deliver in one chapter, every chapter... some build up the tension for 3, 4, even 5 chapters and then deliver with amazing impact!! we're on 20+ chapters.. and I'm use to plenty of writers building up and disappearing without ever revealing.. it's just becoming self preservation to avoid seeing the potential.. |
| 2017-09-26 03:50:22 |
Potential Part 20
|
and normally, I wouldn't go on a long rant.. but you usually seem to enjoy feedback.. otherwise, I'd have just hit the like and moved on |
| 2017-09-28 04:25:12 |
Potential Part 20
|
Haven't finished, but had to stop by to post, "Wow" |
| 2017-11-29 03:55:33 |
My Sister's Lotion pt. 1
|
Kicking myself for not waiting for more parts before reading. I hope you maintain the heavy reluctance from the sister as she gets more involved. I like incest stories because of the natural reluctance to act sexually with a family member. If you make it a disliked family member, the stor implies even heavier reluctance. So if the reluctance suddenly disappears, all the realism and even the integrity of the story just dissolves. Doesn't have to be rape, but clever, sneaky, crafty, manipulation, desperation, etc. There are still plenty of tools left. |