| 2019-09-18 05:52:56 |
Open Curtains
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The story was not bad. It has potential. It's easy to read. If I'd recommend anything, it would be stick to the conflict. The conflict is that all the women in his life knew his wife, and he can't bring himself to have a relationship with these women, Karen included. So if this turns into a romance, you've abandoned your story's conflict, and it's just a narrative of this one guy named John. Instead, I'd recommend a scenario where John is suddenly more aware of just how horny and forward all the women around him really are. He could be discovering he is in a voyeurism paradise. The conflict continuing of inability to do more than watch because of his late wife's relationship with these women. Eventually you get past the tease and these women take turns taking advantage of him. Then he picks one and happily ever after. |
| 2020-01-19 15:56:45 |
Mom's Offer
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I haven't finished reading, but I read the part about being a nymphomaniac's dream come true. I also have an unusually high appetite. It's made even worse by an inability to easily climax. If anything it makes relationships harder rather than easier. When the women in your life feel that they can't fulfill you, they think negatively of themselves. I also now find women humorous when they call themselves nymphomaniacs, because it feels as if it's a different classification for women than for men. Most men have a naturally high sex drive in comparison to women. I have a high sex drive in comparison to men. I leave the women sore and satisfied after a few days, but I am never satisfied. It's truly a genetic curse. |
| 2020-01-19 18:15:36 |
Mom's Offer
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Finished reading. Very short. I've noticed your stories tend to suffer from that. In the long run, you have a collection of nice chapters with plenty of action. Not bad. There's a subtle suggestion that she's still reluctant to do this; which makes it more realistic and enjoyable imo. I feel like if you turn the reluctance up a notch, it'll give the story more character. One of my favorite parts of incest/reluctance stories is the conundrum of overcoming the reluctance for the reward of sexual pleasure. Getting a random stranger to sleep with you has minimal obstacles. Getting a known entity of authority such as a boss or teacher adds more obstacles. Getting a family member implies obstacles on many levels. The obstacle here was apparently overcome by parental love and care, possible mutual attraction and genetic lustful drive, but anything goes sounds like a mistake of the moment that could definitely be exploited for story purposes. Potential roleplay, video, risk public exposure.. |
| 2020-01-19 18:50:57 |
Stop It! - Part 1
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Definitely missing out on the conflict of the story. I LOVE OP protagonists, but providing them with meaningful conflict, that drives the story, can be difficult. Great set up with dislike of siblings. Nice transition starter with the ok sibling Alexis. However, time stop is OP and completely removes the incest reluctance. You could unfreeze time during foreplay and sex to give some flavor, but the cum turning them into mindless lust filled sluts means each character is pretty much one and done for character building. As Darren's harem grows, the sisters could feel like they're being back into a corner and attempt to escape the same fate. So there's potential, but it sounds like a challenging story to continue without becoming bland |
| 2020-01-19 18:56:03 |
Stop It! - Part 1
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P.S. Please forgive if I seem overly negative in my critiques. I try to always vote Positive if I enjoyed your story enough to bother critiquing at all. |