| 2019-05-10 10:06:45 |
Camping with my step-daughter’s (Week One )_(0)
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You have too many run-on sentences. Makes it hard to read. |
| 2019-05-14 06:21:38 |
The Life of John Smith Chapter 17
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Is this Chapter 17 or 18? |
| 2019-06-26 18:21:39 |
Big boy 3
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Where can we find Chapter 1? |
| 2019-07-19 06:23:20 |
Alexie and Sophie learn about sex_(0)
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You need to keep the narrative point of view consistent - either first person or third. You also need to keep the tense consistent - either present or past. You are mixing them all up throughout the story. Also a quick spell check proof read would help. |
| 2019-08-02 11:53:42 |
Neat N' Naked 04: Dakota
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I like the story but to make it better to read you need to be consistent in the narrative perspectives. All though told in a third person style there are a few slip ups and it changes to a first person. Also the tense needs to be consistent. Is it past or present? There are times when you are using both in the same sentence. A quick proof read would also pick up any minor errors in punctuation etc. |