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Comments from WantSumCandyLittleGirl
| Date | Story title | Comment |
|---|---|---|
| 2011-02-27 08:12:40 | Early Morning Wake Up_(1) | Ok, you want constructive criticism, here goes. First, your spelling needs work. You may have spelled most words correctly but that doesn't mean you used the correct word. Than versus then, for example. Second, grammar needs a lot of improvement. For example: "I had gone in in just a pair of swim trunks." You do not gone in in - you went in just a pair of swim trunks, maybe, but not gone in in. Third, you do not capitalize words unless they are proper nouns. Sorry, cumming is not a proper noun. Fourth, your punctuation is atrocious. Whenever you use the word "too" at the end of a sentence, a comma must precede it. Find an editor/proof reader. Get a grammar book. But, please, before you submit your 2nd installment, improve your writing skills. |
| 2011-02-27 08:14:03 | Early Morning Wake Up_(1) | BTW - I am not a fan of this comment page turning quote marks into ". Kind of takes away from the whole scenario of what one is trying to quote. |
| 2011-02-28 08:43:49 | Sharing my Sister part one | OK, let's see - April of '81 you were 15, so that makes you now 20 years older so you are 35. But your stats say you are 41. Hmmm - wonder where those extra 6 years came from or went to ............... As for the story, not bad but it could be improved. You should have included some of the earlier enticements she made, some that you apparently were too blind to see. You should also be more descriptive in telling us how it felt, as well as how your sister felt during and after. But - if this truly was your sister's first time, even if you were having your first time at the same time, why didn't she experience any hymen breaking discomfort? Work on it some and you might be able to spin a fairly good yarn. |
| 2011-02-28 08:44:39 | Sharing my Sister part one | Shite- can't add - 30 years older, which makes you 45. That or you were lying about the year?? |
| 2011-03-17 15:54:35 | Last Will and Testament | This is one of the better stories I have read on this site. Excellent plot, excellent line, excellent writing. I am looking forward to the continuing story. Thanks so much. |