| 2013-10-16 18:29:44 |
She had to do it -part two.
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Enough said below. In addition, the dialogue doesn't follow the characters. |
| 2021-07-14 15:04:45 |
Mwah! 2
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Love this part, but… wasn’t Mwah about Emily and her dad? |
| 2019-10-15 14:39:46 |
Two from daddy
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Finish school before submitting any new stories. |
| 2020-04-17 11:53:04 |
My daughter was finally returned
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Nice plot and telling of a story, not just a nut and go. Of course there are grammar and spelling issues, no one is perfect (including Shakespeare), but striving for improvements is always a goal. Keep up the story writing and haters are gonna hate. Can’t do anything about them. Suggestions: break up long paragraphs and run a quick grammar check. Looking forward to learning how the three move on from here. |
| 2020-04-17 11:54:49 |
My daughter was finally returned
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Nice plot and telling of a story, not just a nut and go. Of course there are grammar and spelling issues, no one is perfect (including Shakespeare), but striving for improvements is always a goal. Keep up the story writing and haters are gonna hate. Can’t do anything about them. Suggestions: break up long paragraphs and run a quick grammar check. Looking forward to learning how the three move on from here. |