| 2020-11-18 21:38:41 |
Family Life 1 - How it started.
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Looking forward to the next chapter. There were a few typos, nothing horrid, so proofreading should help. |
| 2020-12-04 17:52:56 |
NIECE GETS DOGGIED
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While the story line is good, the telling sucked. You use the colon incorrectly, your punctuation is way off, and the overall grammar is out of this world. I could get past the part where the Aunt admits she’s bi - and saying bi-fem is bogus. Either learn to write, get a proofreader, or go back and slap your English teachers. That or wait until you graduate from high school. |
| 2021-01-22 13:42:49 |
Lauren the Bridesmaid, Chapter 2
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Love the dynamic between Lauren and Jimmy, but only one complaint: no way she was able to find out she was pregnant hours after Jimmy left his deposit. Just saying. Looking forward to reading the continuing saga. |
| 2021-01-23 14:03:56 |
101 Days of Lockdown
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Nice story but one big inconsistency: is he 7”’or 8”? |
| 2021-02-17 11:38:10 |
Is There Life After Seventy, I'll Never Tell
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Good story, nice plot, but... you need to proofread better. There was an issue with timing a couple times. If Ken comes back to the house at 6:00p, how did he and Norm take a couple pills at 5:00p? Also, you jump between past and present tense a lot. Still, I enjoyed this a lot. |