| 2010-06-04 03:49:49 |
Spin the Bottle_(0)
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Good stuff keep on keeping on... CJ |
| 2010-11-30 18:17:31 |
Tricked and Treated at a Halloween Party
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Its a good story I like the plot and the quasi mystery... |
| 2010-12-09 01:30:54 |
I LOVE MY MOMMY
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Really? no buildup just all of a sudden a normal mom is going to do this what the fuck is the motivation? If your going to write a story have it make sense and not jump directly to the improbable sex, we the readers need to know why the improbable sex is happening. |
| 2011-01-13 03:31:54 |
My Big Horsecock and my two Sisters
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1 break up your paragraphs.... 2. Don't repeat the same word twice in the same paragraph if you can manage it. 3. Give your discriptions some more flesh. 4 go back and re-read what you have written once you have done 1-3. 5 Practice.... |
| 2011-01-25 16:25:41 |
Spying on Mom and Brother II
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Good plot... work on your details and expand further, and maybe work on spelling and grammar too or have someone edit it for you. |