| 2011-11-27 17:11:06 |
Susies story Re Edit
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A little too morbid... and dark for me to really enjoy it.... I probably would have done it differently myself... |
| 2011-12-01 20:50:35 |
Horny Mom
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You needed a longer and better build up... and maybe some inner conflict here... its a good premise just could use some more...flavor. |
| 2011-12-17 16:26:54 |
Sexual Summer Camp with Daughter's Mates[02]
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Your syntax is interesting... and you use odd words here and there English isn't your first language I take it. Overall good... Needs to be polished a bit more. |
| 2011-12-21 21:22:14 |
my sister and the Wii game
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Um yeah paragraphs or maybe a comma or two if your trying to do the Willie Shakespeare... thing..PM me if you want more suggestions about it really. |
| 2012-01-06 21:40:50 |
Cousin's first trip here
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its a sex story not a text message... Kill all the ellipses and then kill all the ampersands then kill every time you used texting short hand and you might have something this is really too annoying to read. |