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Comments from Dudley Dowrong
| Date | Story title | Comment |
|---|---|---|
| 2019-04-21 03:45:21 | Rachel's Debt (Chapter 2 - Second Thoughts) | Still can't vote tonight, but tomorrow should come later. I agree with the comments as to how U "play out" the story line. Even believable; that's part of what makes it so exciting. Look forward to "the rest of the story" Thank you for sharing Ur talent with us. I'm really looking forward to the next 2 chapters & will probably read some of Ur other entries as well. Like Ur style. |
| 2019-04-21 12:32:54 | Rachel's Debt (Chapter 3 - The Past and the Pain)_(0) | Voted today! Ur intrigue & mystery of"What on earth is he planning now?" Of course the age & name "Becky" jolted his memory hoping she might be the "other end off the cell connection" the night of the collision. Now he knows.(Best Friend) This is the sort of technique that engages the reader as a participant in the story rather than just an observer or spectator watching the "game play out"!! Great use of that primes. We still don't know why Amber left.. Hopefully we will figure that out before the conclusion...YOU have great potential Continue to enlarge Ur works. I can see U as a film writer. Do whatever it takes to find Ur place.!! |
| 2019-04-21 15:11:35 | Rachel's Debt (Chapter 4 - Rules of Engagement) | Excellent presentation. The twists & unexpected turns made the story captivating. The wording indicated to me was that Amber was deceased; since Rachel found out about Amber, it surprises me she didn't find her death being the reason of her absence. Even the relationship between Rachel & "our hero" isn't love but it seems to have gone beyond a "business contract". Rachel's POV closing out the story is an interesting twist. That twist simply keeps the reader wanting more. I kinda thought "Becky" would have become more involved. Ryan shows himself to be an immature, jealous, selfish, teen, dickhead. If he really cared, he would want a reasonable explanation. At least, "Is that what U really think of me or was that stupid remark just for show? What kind of a hold does this jerk have over U?" Look forward to more of Ur works. Thank again for sharing Ur talent. |
| 2019-04-22 03:30:40 | Mark and I first time | I love Ur story. It is easy to follow, character development is good. When U read Ur story before submitting it, I'm sure U knew what U meant but did U see some of the words misspelled? Some caps missing on proper names? Punctuation unclear where phrases, & sentences started & stopped. To make it easier for the reader, paragraphs would help. The reason I am so critical is because Ur content & presentation are outstanding. The things I have mentioned gets in the way of making the story less effective. I've read all 3 of Ur series & enjoyed them. A few places it was difficult to follow because of the technical issues listed above. Relating a true personal experience first person is the best way to start writing & U have really done well in important areas as U described Ur's & Mark's feelings, emotion, & sensitivity of sexual encounters. Mark shows exceptional character in showing how much he really cares for U waiting until U were ready to go " all the way". |
| 2019-04-22 03:58:56 | My first blow job part 2 | I waited to comment until after I read the full series. To continue: Mark showed how much he loved & cared for U to wait until U were ready. He did NOT showing respect for Ur Mom & responsible by not stopping to use one of the 72 "rubbers" Ur Mom gave U both. I don't understand why she didn't put U on the pill knowing how serious U & Mark had become sucking each other off. At that age, that is commitment. I would really like to see U keep on writing' just get some help in the areas I mentioned in another comment section. In one phrase u used the word"spanked" & it didn't fit in the context at all. Even in Ur story anywhere (unless for fun).. The love & tenderness U & Mark felt toward each other was remarkable & effectively presented & readers should have no doubt.. Most would call it "puppy love"; but U carried it to a completely different level playing with each other. Staying together the whole school yr demenstrates that.!! Sorry, can't spell everything. |